Reflections on 10 days done... and moods...

Friday was the 10th day of radiation, and I was thinking that the increased Vitamin D + calcium I've been taking was having the effect of improving my mood and my energy level.  Then on Sunday I woke up in an unexplainable blue funk that just would not leave me.  So much for the vitamin boost, I guess.

But that only highlights, yet again, how hard it is to figure the side-effect picture out. At any rate, after a lot of positive energy from my youngest daughter, some good food and a bit of work in the yard, my mood improved considerably.  I suppose that's the key (for me) for the mood swings: keep moving and direct attention somewhere else than where the mood wants to take me.  As my youngest cousin (who called while I was pruning some roses) said, the capability to go to a dark place doesn't mean I have to go there. 

I agree... with some reservations. My cousin is right about not going into a dark place... but my feeling is there are times when I need to go into the dark because I have a need to know. I just need to know about the place.  (I'm sorry to keep using the word "place", because it seems so overused.) But there are times when I know doing that will only result in my thoughts wallowing in the dark.  I don't need that, and certainly I didn't need it on Sunday.  Maybe that makes sense. 

I got an extra day off from radiation because the doctor's office was closed on Presidents Day.  So by the time this is posted I will have had my 11th treatment.  And it's doctor day too!  So... I can ask the questions about the hormone pills... if we stop that when radiation is done or what. Cheap thrills!  Or not so cheap.

My weight continues to increase, which concerns me, but I'm trying to let it go.  I mean the worry.  I'd like to let the weight go as well, but maybe not until I finish the radiation. 

One last item I keep returning to in thought (and have yet to resolve or write about) is the remark "you don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones" that someone writing to Lance Armstrong made. I assume it was another cancer patient but need to look it up again. It comes into my thoughts on a regular basis and because of that I think it needs exploring.  But other than this superficial noticing, I don't have more to write at this point.  Oh good grief... all that to say "gee... iDunno".