Sleep ..or not...

I'm tired, after a week of work (and two weeks before that of essentially sleeping at will...which I knew at the time was too good to be true) I am really tired. I want to think I'm just being a wimp, or getting old, or something like that. I really don't ... and I mean don't - want to say it has a thing to do with having cancer, or having 50 (or so) little radioactive rice bits in me.

But what else is there? I sure haven't been doing anything physical to make me feel this way. And to go along with the tiredness I have a sense of sadness and longing... a phrase that gets dangerously close to some lines from Longfellow's "The Day is Done". Check it out... lovely poem... and it describes the feeling almost exactly.  Is this just me being maudlin, or is it somehow related to the hormones that are doing their version of a four-wheel drift through my body?  No way for me to tell.  I want to joke about it, but really, in my current mood, this is no joke, it's not funny and I wonder why I'm on this path, where it's taking me, and if I will ever regain the illusion that I have a bit of control.  Arrgh!

Sleeping (at night) has now become a kind of hot & cold dance. The weather here is as chilly as it gets, which is good... because once I get hot, I need some cold to counter it.  Remember the old "wax on; wax off" from "The Karate Kid"?  I'm doing blankets on; blankets off.  And coupled with that is the immensely enjoyable urge to go use the bathroom (aka pee).  So, I think I fall asleep deeply a few times a night, but it isn't enough.

My approach?  If I feel the need to nap, and I have a few minutes... I go for it.

Otherwise, the effects of the brachytherapy (seed implants) are making themselves known a bit more insistently than before.  It's 4 weeks since the implants now, so I think I should be running at about a 25% level of radiation in the seeds by now.  Which doesn't mean the effects are changing as rapidly.  In fact, I think they're likely to get a bit worse before they get better... but that's something to bring up with the radiation onologist when I see him next week.

After all these words, it's time for a nap!