Changes, changes, changes...

And now I have that silly David Bowie song stuck in my head.  Yaaaaaa!  Oh well, my own fault.

I haven't posted since ... March 3rd... and looking back, I'm surprised I had it together to post on that day.  I had a bit of a curve thrown my way on the 1st, and it's taken me quite awhile to get some semblance of a handle on it.

Let's see... what are the positive words to use about the curve?  Here's one version: "My company is going through a major restructuring.  Many kinds of work were being affected and mine was one of them."   Or, here's another spin: "My company decided that since my work was to make things easy to use, and because all of our products are now so intuitive, essentially I had worked myself out of a job."  But let's just be direct:  I was laid-off. 

Anyway, I wanted to get through some of the emotions before writing about it in public. Reason? Well, I don't want anything I say appear to be something the company could construe to be negative press, because that could affect my severance package.  I am not making that up. Or at least I think it could, potentially, at the sole discretion of said company, come back to bite me somewhere that would most likely hurt a lot.  Like my wallet.  But really, to say that I was surprised, hurt, shocked, angry.. is all talk about me, and you know.. it is all about me.

The reason it (my job) even figures into this blog is because this came at a time when I feel particularly vulnerable.  And at a time when I know my energy level is pretty low.  And so, I felt as if the cosmos was just adding insult to injury by this happening at a time when my ability to be excited about a job hunt was maybe at its lowest ebb.  Perhaps not, but that was the initial feeling.

But the layoff led to some amazing interactions with the people I love.  Truly touching, loving, practical help was offered and given by family (thank you!), friends (thank you!), business colleagues (thank you!)... and I felt as if I was taking part of an enormous group hug.

One example: I was at radiation on Tuesday after getting the news.  Tuesdays are doctor day for me, and before I see the doctor, I get weighed (ugh!) and one of the nurses usually asks me how I'm doing before the doctor comes in.  So, Carolyn asked. And I told her. Poor Carolyn!  But she was great.  She said, "Oh you need a hug!" and gave me a great big hug.  Now you need to know that Carolyn is almost as tall as I am, so that hug just wrapped me up... it was exactly what I needed and I'll never know how she knew.

But really, it seems that everyone I've talked to about this event has done the same thing, sometimes in a different form, but in the same sense, and I have felt so loved, so cared for, so strengthened by it all. 

And today marks the last day of radiation!  I will miss seeing the team who has treated me with such kindness and patience (with my antics and this blog) every day.  I won't miss the dash to the doctor's office down highway 85 though. 

Next step?  More hormone shots, coming up.  Ouch!