Catching up is just an illusion,,,

...but then, I'm not slamming illusions. Or allusions, for that matter.  It's almost a year since the last posting and I'm only now getting back to being able to think about updates and writing here. So much has happened, and so many thoughts on different levels have come and gone, but even after all this time I think I need to write them down. But first, there are some things to explain, mainly about why the long silence.

The last post contained a hint at the back-and-forth with the insurance company - applying for long-term disability benefits, at the end of my short-term disability (which I took to "freeze" the lay-off clock, you may recall). While my application for long-term disability was in progress I went on unpaid leave of absence from work.  There was some money coming in from California, but to my company, I was on leave.  And surprise! The insurance company denied my initial claim for long term disability on the grounds that I was not physically impaired (meaning, I could bend and lift and do normal physical labor). Of course, as soon as I was denied I began putting together an appeal package, and solicited the help of many friends and family for advice and counsel in addition to doing a lot of research into the effects androgen deprivation therapy has on the mind.  I also consulted a lawyer who specialized in disability claims and paid for a series of cognitive tests by a neuro-psychologist (not cheap!) to see if there were measurable effects from the therapy (there were). My doctors, and the staff people in their offices, were also pivotal in helping me with the appeal.

I didn't want to discuss the appeal here because I was concerned that any public information (specifically, using the name of the insurance company) might hamper my appeal and I wasn't that stupid. But I'm fairly angry at what amounts to fraudulent representation of benefits by the company I work for and by the insurance company who underwrites (and administers) the benefit.  Signing up for the benefit every year left me with the impression that all I needed to do was invoke the benefit to get it. How naive of me!  As it was, I applied, was denied on grounds that made no sense (my job was not physical, after all) and then went through months of expense and effort, all the while operating with a mind that found it increasingly hard to concentrate on anything, much less building a cohesive argument. And I had help! Consider all those who are denied and who do not have the help from friends and family to push back.

Eventually, my appeal was successful, but it was so late in coming, that I had already gone back in to work and applied for another job, in a different organization, and was in the closing steps of taking that job when MetLife decided to grant me what was by that time essentially a claim for back benefits.  I don't want to get too political here, but my brief dip into the health insurance nightmare left me convinced that these structures need serious change.  There are so many levels that can be discussed about what needs change, but just take the basic level of applying for long term disability and you can get a picture. The forms were entirely focused on physical ability and functions, as if all of the jobs that might expect to need disability claims were all manufacturing jobs. Patently ridiculous!

So, as a preview of coming attractions, to anyone still checking this, are topics still related to my treatment (not in any specific order): Unexpected radiation effects (long after stopping radiation), the return of testosterone (a goofy title for a western novel, eh?), sex drive (or, who is that Masked Man behind the wheel?), hormones and their effects on thinking and spirituality (never mind emotions), some reflections on losses and gains, and a bit of a spoof on Tieresias ... who, I think, was holding back.